Photos: Forward to Birth Dad

Dear Birth Dad (MA),

It has been almost six years since you chose us to be the parents of the twins.   As in many adoptions, we sent pictures via our lawyer’s office every few months for the first year but then after a while stopped since the attorney couldn’t locate you and the pictures and letters were just tucked away in a manila folder in a file cabinet.

Thursday afternoon, our social worker and friend, ML, called and let us know that you had contacted her.  We were so happy to hear that you are doing well and feel that you are in a much better place.  I am so thrilled that the twins will know that their birth father cares about how they are.   I can only imagine the courage that it took for you to make the call to ML and ask for the pictures.  We hope that the note and photographs that we send will bring comfort and joy, in knowing that the twins are happy, healthy and enjoying a wonderful childhood.

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NOTE TO SELF

-Do I send the best pictures of the kids or do I want to make sure they are more ordinary pictures? 

 -When we originally met MA, we met his mom too and learned that he had a teenage son.  Do I ask about his son?  Do I ask how his mother is?  Or is this making it appear as though we want to embrace his family?  Am I overthinking this…………and is it appropriate to ask? 

-I don’t have much information about MA’s  family.  Do I take the opportunity to ask so that I can share with Bruiser and Princess?  Do I ask for a picture of his son?  I have a picture of the birth mom’s daughter and grandson but nothing of his son. 

-I don’t know how much information our twins will want when they get older.  Would they want to have pictures of  MA’s son – their brother?
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Thanks for asking about the kids and taking the interest in how they are doing.  We are truly grateful that we can share with the twins that you have a place for them in your heart.

Our best,

Bruiser & Princess’ Mom & Dad

Is Adoption an Option?

Three years after our first son was born, my husband and I started to think about expanding our family.  As each of the next few years passed, there always seemed to be a reason to wait.  After all, I was working a ton of hours, then my husband’s company went under, then I started a new job, my husband started a new job.  Timing was never right……but then again when is it.  Well, once we took the leap to move forward….we hit a roadblock, multiple miscarriages.  Each miscarriage was attributed to some sort of genetic issue that could not be identified by the doctors.  After miscarriage #4, my husband and I agreed that we did want another child and that adoption was a great option. 

Questions were overwhelming:  What agency? International? Domestic? Newborn? Match through an agency, lawyer or facilitator?  Would we love an adopted child the same way we love our biological son?  How would our family react?  How would our older son take it? Would the 6 year age difference between the children be too much? What if we don’t get chosen?  Would I be able to deal with an adoption, when I would have so little control over the situation?  These questions were just the tip of the iceberg.

 With all these questions looming, we jumped in and started our research.  And one by one, we answered each of the above questions.  

 After one year of waiting, we were matched with a wonderful 37 year old birthmother from Florida.  She and I hit it off right away!  We spoke weekly and candidly.  I heard how she grew up, her challenges and uphill battles.  I heard how proud she was of the children that she raised and even of the little girl that she had placed for adoption with another family three years prior.  Each call brought us closer to her and closer to our baby.  Then, one month after being matched……….we got the call from our social worker.  She said, “Adrienne, nothing is wrong but I need you to sit down and get David on the phone, have him lay down.”  We followed her directions, very anxious to hear what she was about to tell us. And then she said, “It is twins!”  We were floored!  A whole new set of questions started to flow through our minds.  David freaked out and obsessed about how our son wouldn’t be able to handle twins.  Well, a few days later after the initial shock subsided, David decided that our 6 year old son would be the deciding factor as to whether we would consider twins.  (BTW–there was no considering that needed to be done–I knew that we were going to adopt the twins, regardless—however, I wasn’t sure how long it would take David to accept that).  David came right out and asked our son how he would feel if we adopted twin sisters.  Our son thought about it and said, “Dad, I am ok with twins but I want a brother and sister.” 

From his mouth to G-d’s ears, on November 2, 2006, our boy/girl twins were born.  The anxiety, the questions, the lack of control, the decisions…….as hard as they were, could not have delivered anything more wonderful.  We love all of our children more than we could have imagined.